Art Inspection

As an artist, and yes that’s what I am, I must learn to do certain things a normal human could not, and the extent to which I do these things belies my own artistic value. I must force myself to re-examine experiences of art, to look at the meaning and symbols behind the art. The artist who says “my work is about” is the lowest form of artist. Should you need to be told what meaning a work contains, you will not understand it. That besides, an artist should show you a thing, not tell you about it.

So my brain is learning to outthink it’s innate prejudgements and work artistically. It’s a mental thing, where everything means something else and nothing is plain. It sounds bad, but is actually very interesting. For instance yesterday I saw an art performance in which the performer was more or less naked. I was thinking “why is she naked” no more than “she is naked”, I was watching her tie a rope around herself very tightly in the midst of about 30 freestanding audience members. To the inartistic, this would have looked a bit mental, if not just plain dodgy, but there was no message there either, just an image to react to.

The greatest moments of history are all features of the great work of art that is our world, and many wars and deaths have occurred in the artifice of religion. Religion is not something I can understand. I have never kept the faith primary and secondary school tried to condition me with. There is no higher power than us, just us. We are our own masters and death is just that, the end of a thing that was art itself for a time.

I believe in personal choice to believe whatever you wish, that we didn’t go to the moon, that Diana was murdered, that god does exist, and that Jeremy Beadle wasn’t all that good, but the wars are made by people trying to tell other people what art is. Art is not what you think, but what you feel. Like love, hate, life and death. Art is eternal.

Red alert phone psychosis

So things have been getting interesting. Recently returned assignments look promising, I’m making plans for things more than a week in advance (sometimes), and I’ve been to nearly all of my lessons this year (minus a few days for bad food eaten recently). Also I have kind of found a new love interest. I say kind of but not really, she’s nice but she’s leaving the country in a month to go to America and learn how to look after alligators. I do pick the right ones don’t I?

However a doubt has been raised in my mind about something recently, a taken for granted fact that may for all the tea in china be nothing but dust in the night. In all the times, years perhaps, that I’ve had a mobile phone it has never once come upon me to really question the fact that it works (save for the odd occasion where I drunkenly snap my phone in two, break the screen or just leave it at a bus station). Recently a friend asked me though why I had ignored her text messages. I told her I hadn’t, she said she had messaged me earlier in the day, a fact which my phone didn’t agree with.

I checked and sure enough, there were no text messages there. No I’m not paranoid much more than the average person (take that as a confession), but now I can’t stop thinking about text conversations, especially on my newest (and as yet undamaged) phone. I always took it for granted that person A was just having a bad day and didn’t want to speak to me, that person N was too busy working, and person J just couldn’t be arsed. Along such lines I may have been thinking for ages that indeed maybe some of my friends don’t like me as much as they (obviously) do. But that is just it, it may have been so.

So I urge any and all reading this to check whether text conversations with me have suddenly seemed to have disappeared. Where the text message doesn’t reach my phone and indeed it seems that I am the one who is being ignorant, when in fact I almost always reply to text messages I receive, such is the sad twat that I am. Oh dear, all this and only three hours sleep last night, and its 2.30am now. Crinkle’s brain is in a world of shit!

chaptitl_Unbreakable

So life has been gearing up terrifically recently. In the past week I’ve done an awful lot of work and only been out once. I’ve enjoyed all of it. I only wish I had a job! I’ve been getting on terrifically with work well ahead of time, and gone to all my lessons as if it was a new years resolution! Things are going well and it seems almost too good to be true.

Which it isn’t really, after my pre-Christmas woes I’m feeling good, and doing good too. At times yes I feel down, but not often, not often at all. I have freedom in all things but money, and even that doesn’t bother me, it’s like my body has started producing its own THC, Ethanol or Wormwood. No such luck I’m sure. Life feels good though.

Also yesterday I may have got my love out a little bit. I’m not even bothered about that, even though I was sober and remember all of it. Though that hasn’t developed into anything and maybe never will. I’m not even bothered about that! Jesus, I think there’s something in the air!

3rd Jan

Over the past few days I’ve been tidying up the house, bit by bit. Unfortunately I did not quite get it done in time for the return of Ni__, who is now back in his room. We celebrated this with a couple of beers, and Jo__ made the effort to trek all the way out here. We watched a few episodes of the comedy program called “Balls Of Steel” as well as a short film called “Gayniggers from Space”, a comedy film from the seventies. It was not really a racist film at all, and extremely badly dubbed!

I’m passing now, the new house, or the one that will become our house in Leicester in September, or may do. Then we went to Maryland, I went in my dressing gown; wearing clothes underneath of course, as its winter. Although, that impeded time that could, or should (give txt messages sent previously) have been spent at my computer waiting for someone.

Na____, hasn’t been properly introduced in this diary, but maybe now she may should be. For perhaps this author is starting to have feelings for her? I think so, it remains to be seen.

Most recently since the Christmas period, especially since the New Year, I’ve spent a great deal of time working on my music album. This is about 75% complete. It contains such instant pop hit songs as “Internet Psycho”, “Life of the Party” and “Zombies”. When it’s complete maybe it will be about time to start looking for chances to perform these songs. We shall see.

2008 so far... oh how quickly the stars move. I find myself facing a new direction and have new future prospects which don’t look quite so bleak. Even distant warmth is welcomed!