29th of april - Bad Faith

So, yesterday’s interview went ok. I passed it, but needed to get hold of my passport, it’s one of these silly “prove your age!” scenarios. The stuff I can give is the stuff they don’t want. Well as soon as I got home I stormed the gates and the entire castle that is my bedroom, and, you guessed it, no luck!

I’m a firm believer in sods law. If you want something, you won’t get it. If you need something it won’t be there. So now I’m going to have to make arrangements to get a new passport, costing upwards of £100, and it’s going to take at least a week, all because at the vital moment, my passport, wherever it is, refused to exist. I know it should be in this very room, but isn’t, it isn’t here because I want it to be, that’s the most annoying thing. But anyway at the risk of sounding boring I’ll shut up.

So a series of telephone calls await me. To the agency willing to employ me, to the Identity and Passport Service, and a few unrelated others, and on top of all this, an assignment I thought was due in at the end of the week was actually due in yesterday. Can anyone say, FAIL?

Also I’m suffering in bad faith about all this… diary stuff. I don’t think anyone’s actually bothered; no one seems to be reading or at least commenting on it when I upload it to the internet. I’m only narcissistic to a point, but if anyone is reading, leave a comment, no matter how crap, giving me faith that there’s any point continuing. I’m not asking for analysis I can rebuff, though if you have any it would be awesome. Just let me know I’ve been read!

I've got an interview soon for a job! Amazing,its about half an hour away and in preparation for it i've learned to touch type, yes i practically haven't looked down at the keyboard whilst typing all this, fantastic. Thats another life skill picked up! Anyway, must dash, i'll tell all about the interview later!

25th April - Excellence

It has been a while, for which I apologise. They say blogging is a skill, it is. It’s the skill of the good writer, being able to write constantly, at will, and regularly. Though I can certainly do two of those, the third presents some real difficulties. However I amaze myself at the speed at which I can actually write, which even now is approximately one ~12 line per six seconds or so. Of course, there’s the stopping, editing, clipping of rubbish bits too which must be done. Post processing.

No real need to wonder on that fact, save that on Monday I’ve got a job interview for a job as a typist, not a career I’d be willing to take up professionally, but for £8 an hour I will certainly give it a go.

Recently I’ve been very busy getting on with work, university work, and getting it done too. I handed in a slightly dodgy essay on Thursday. Nothing too wrong with it, just I don’t think I argued my point properly. I’ve also been recorded for tv and radio recently too. A DMU TV advert (I’m in the background somewhere) and various small parts in a radio script (not yet broadcast, but as soon as I can link to it I will).

Yesterday was an amazing day in many senses. Admittedly I drank about four cans of relentless over the day, but I left the house about four separate times, each time walking at least a mile. The sun was out, I put on some bright colours, got a haircut, went job searching AND went out with my mates and blew a shit load of cash on booze. I didn’t get paralytic, I paced myself, I got a Maryland chicken. It all went quite well!

Now I expect you’re just waiting for the “but” or “until”, well there isn’t one. It was a generally excellent day yesterday. Today will be less so, and I am a little hung over, but I guess there are two prices for every drink, and about 12 double vodka and cokes don’t buy themselves do they?

Three Visions

In the first dream, I am deprived of all senses. Everything is taken away, except for an image, an image of square shapes which purports to be reality itself, the depth of these offerings is hard to convey in words which make sense. In my state, I realised that the life in which I now type the words, is only the real dream, and that in a slumberous state I simply drift through the realities.

The second vision took me to a beach far away. The sky was a crystalline green but the water a sexy warm blue. Creatures roam around, oblivious to me, humanoid beings whose power transcends that which I know. Then people came, human people. They tried to tame the creatures and make them slaves, but one night, the entire race of beings not human, packed up and left into darkness, with the grace and speed found in a cloud of birds in the sky, who collectively turn and dance as one.

They left, on the beach, several items, which burrowed their way into the sand overnight. In the morning, there was plant life on the beach. Huge flowers with long, living, stinging tentacles who would whip, choke or drown any that came to the beach.

The third dream took me into a strange mystic land of magicians and creatures. My friends, magicians and witches. The land is dark and seems lifeless. However there’s a huge castle built into the landscape. I explore the castle, and meet more people, preparing for a celebration. I reach the top of the tower and look down on the vast plain. The people no more than dots below, dots arranged into a circle, holding hands. I have missed the ceremony. But then something goes wrong, and suddenly the people below are running in all different directions. Running away from things I can’t see. Things that move in the blackness of a reality which isn’t, but which sometimes seems to be everything.

That’s one pretty crazy night of adventure. Though I’ve set these up as stories, I was shown images and feelings, I relay these through my interpretation as best I can. Dreams don’t make sense, but we make sense of dreams through our desire to understand. A desire that has evolved us from ape to man. Perhaps the next stage of evolution is to come to understand dreams then? Maybe so!

Saturday 5th April

My would be darling, led still astray. A man of single significance, yet such great ignorance, to beauty true, in face and body beautifull. How it turns me upside out, to get even the merest hint of the chase, which, being a singular course of two likeminded yet opposite particles yields no truth for the truer beauty.

Such wiseless words I spill, as would make a mockery of all my conscience were I to provide subject goal from abstract thought. Yet it is easier to think this way, the abstract makes the real not real, and therefore easier of passage.

I see a world, where people want and dream of better things. Instead of turning the magnifier on themselves to behold a truly great thing. I see a world ready for collapse by way of screens made by all of us to keep out that most unwanted intruder, ourselves. I see the men of power ruining all for the greater gain of their lies and their hatred for their enemies, the good and the free.

Life without meaning is not terrible, just abstract and unclear. By transcending the boundaries of the allowed and disallowed, to look behind the greatest of boundaries, judgement, provides a view of a place where all things are equal and no power rules but the power of all.