New Years Eve

Well its time for a quick summary of the Christmas period. For Christmas I got a lot of money and presents such as Juggling Balls, a Rubix Cube, Clothes Vouchers, a pint Guinness glass, and some cards. Also, for my birthday I got this wicked little voice recorder thing which looks like a mobile phone but can record voice messages, its absolutely mint. Also, I got at least partially alcoholated every day, which is obviously putting the Merry next to Christmas!

I’m back in Leicester now. I came back today, my dad brought me. Car conversation was sporadic at best. A radio talk show was illustrating the points of viewers about people who go out and drink themselves silly. Obviously they have a valid point but I noted with some distain that none of the people calling were those coming out in defence of a drunken NYE day. Surely there’s no better way to see in the New Year than not remembering doing so?

Tonight I am going round to Jo__'s house for drinks before heading to The SU bar for “Panic” night. It’s going to be fun.

Emo Truth

How do I feel?

I’m not doing anything with my life really. Just living it and going nowhere and that is not enough for me. I enjoy the experience and the endless possibilities of each day but find it too hard to see beyond. To see what I’m doing things, or planning them, for. I have dreams, but they are simply that, dreams. I feel like my want which I make as obvious as one can do are being ignored, my desert island is my prison.

I feel like my dreams are in cages, and I have no keys to release them. I can see them in my mind, the things I want, but only there. I don’t know how to get them, I need advice, and I need help. That’s easy to say to a closed book, to anything non human. With a person there’s an issue of pride damage that I simply can’t overcome. Yes I have pride in what I am, believe it or not.

So its left to me break open those cages, even if I damage or break the things inside. So long as they can move from the metaphorical, to the literal, my dreams are still alive.

Beds

It would seem, to me. That time teaches me few lessons, but time itself is the best thing to do anything with. As I dragged my protesting carcass from the bed this evening I had one of those inspirational moments. I can’t say much about it, as its message was wasted on me. It did however compel me to understand that, something has got to change. I’ve said this before, and in this very journal too. Maybe it’s just the realisation that for reasons A B or C, I’m not happy.

Something in me tells me I’m not happy and despite my fruitless search for answers, I know about the relativity of all humans to their world; things always can be better. Maybe I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing… but anyway. I'm going to make a list of things I would like to change, and see how I get on with it in the new year.

We have found a four bed roomed house about 5 minutes walk closer to university, on H_____ road. Right above a Jewellers shop I think (good security then). We are putting down the deposit on it tomorrow. I’ll go to spend more money than I have and more than the last of it, the same thing in two different ways. I need a job; I need a fucking job now.

Beds are cradles, beds are graves,

Beds are where we long to stay,

Beds are carriages to and from,

The world inside and one beyond.

Birthday Party Time!

Yesterday was my birthday and what a good day it was. Most of the people I was expecting turned up and a few I had not planned for (suprises are always good). We started off drinking here, just me and a whole bunch of Jo__’s flatmates (and st__ to__ and ni__ obviously) eventually Jo__ Jo__ Mik__ and Ja__ arrived, and lo, the kitchen was fuller than ever before!

We played some drinking games and I drank steadily. After a while we move into town to soar point for more of the same, I was busily rushing round seeing lots of people (as always seems to happen when I go out!), more people arrived and it was all good. We played the same game half an hour later when we moved into the Polar Bear, where people clubbed together and got me a “dirty pint” which is a pint of various shots, and some small quantity of mixer. This presented some quite bad problems even for me.

Eventually we got to Original 4 as planned, I cant remember much of that as I was reasonably merry by that time. I had a jolly good time though! I don’t honestly remember getting home, but know that I did, I also know that I stopped by the infernal Maryland Chicken on the way. Disgusting but lovely!

Library Times

It’s time to get the work done, once again, I’m at the library. Trying to get going and get my ass up to date. Learning lines for my drama performance, watching a movie about transsexuals (also for drama), and gaining ground on my creative writing assignments. Sadly I’m one of those people who get distracted very easily by passers by, like girls that are nice looking, and facebook.