20th May – Darker Path

There are those that tell you they can and have seen into the fog of future, they say that they have gained a glimpse of what is to come. Whilst whittling away the hours recently in a fantasy adventure game (not a genre I normally associate with), I came across a magical creature not human, whose perception of time past present and future was instantaneous, that is to say every moment that had ever happened was happening, and every moment to happen had already happened.

Obviously this put the poor thing under terrible stress, it being unable to make grammatically correct sentences, and constantly confusing the past,current and future tenses.

Whilst waiting myself, for whatever the time fog brings presently to me, I’ve been taking a little trip back down memory lane. I’ve been looking at photos of times gone by, and getting a good old dose of nostalgia. Previously, I always considered this feeling, indeed this thought mechanism, as being disruptive, a waste of time, and possibly even useless. Now however, I’m not so sure.

Whilst the fantasy creature cannot communicate effectively, it can communicate, and knows what it talks about. However, study a person suffering from memory loss, and you will find the opposite; the person will make sense but be clueless as to the context of its discourse. In short, whilst knowing where you’re going can make life difficult, not knowing where you’ve been would seem to make performing any kind of role, impossible.

Nature is one giant sphere. Galaxies, planets, the sun, drops of water, eggs, eyes, all spherical. They are the most successful natural formations of the three dimensions, but what about the fourth dimension and its products? Is time round, linear, spherical, is it anything? This is fringe stuff right here folks, so put your thinking caps on…

I think time does follow nature. Weather is an ever repeating cycle, if you wait long enough, the same time of day will come round again, after 60 minutes we return to the first, and look at analogue clocks (the ones with handles), round and they have been around for hundred of years. When we remember an event, we “cast” our minds back to it. We create a little loop in time, taking us back to that moment to experience it in our heads.

Unlike those that seek to profit from progress, I do look back. I look back at where I’ve been, tracing the footsteps until a more distant fog shrouds those to far to ever return, and it makes me wonder if, perhaps even hope that time is circular, but then you have to turn back forwards, and take the steps which follow an ever travelling darkness.

18th May

18^th May - Love at Logon

I believe the Righteous Brothers got it wrong, time doesn’t seem to go by slowly, it just seems to have moments where you’re less aware if its passing. Time and it’s grand old mysteries, ahh! Enough of that rubbish, if you want wise words on time, look up Proust, that will teach you a lot.

As of late I have been doing very little, the coffers are running dry and the desperate desire for job and sorted out accommodation for next year is reaching fever pitch now. In addition to the added upcoming chores of applying for next years loan (maybe this time I will get it on time), and sorting out when I’m going home, I should have a lot of my plate. I suppose I do, but I still have too much time.

I am not so trite as to believe I’m the only one whose frequent companion for bed is his love machine known as a laptop computer (HP DV 2000). I would prefer a more homo-sapiens shaped, dare I say it… female creature to take its place, at least the laptop is less demanding than the average Madame, in fact it could be argued that I have the perfect relationship, all the demands I make of my partner are frequently fulfilled, and in much quicker time than I could ever dream of. However there’s a problem, the age difference.

Granted the DV 2000 is technically only three years old, however we all know that PC’s will never be built to last, seven years I suspect is the maximum 99% of all types of computer seem to last, and the good ones a lot less. So comparatively, my DV 2000 is older than me, somewhere between 35-45, and aging fast.

The cracks are beginning to show we no longer have the fun we used to in the good old days. She knows she’s getting on, she keeps reminding me with BSODS at least once a week, though I work round them. I try to make it work though, I join forums, ask for guidance, get told to get her checked out. However at the end of the day (or month if she’s that way inclined), things always seem to work out, and I must admit, I really love her! I wonder what she’d be like as a human female? Well she is still working well, but gets over hot and complains easily. She is also missing a few of her keys, and her memory is maybe not so good, probably average, save for the age difference, and we all know that time is no barrier to true love!

12th May

So, the album is out and so far its gone down like a storm! Albeit a very small one that dwells in a cup of tea, one of those cups of tea no one drinks. However I must accept that the website upon which I’ve hosted the music is, for all its good points, still in development. So it could just be the counters that are wrong. No purchases may be a possible situation, but surely no previews has got to be wrong.

Although in one respect I’ve been hating the songs (they’ve kept me inside all this past week and what a nice sunny week its been!), I’m also very proud of the end achievement, which despite a rather dodgy microphone (and NO help from Mik___ there) has turned out pretty decent!

So now that’s out of the way it is job-hunting-critical time! Whether or not I get a job this very week is going to have serious implications on at least the next ten years of my life. That’s how serious it is!

6th May – The war is over

6^th May – The war is over

There are no more words to write for another 5 months now. No more group meetings, no performances to plan, no places to go or things to do. The battle of the assignments has been won, but not without its cost. For I say that unless the battle takes something out of you, be it sleep, health or part of your sanity. The assignment hasn’t tested you, and that’s what they are meant to do.

Another short war will be fought in the coming days too. The war to beat the deadline, as if in reprisal of all that has just gone (and especially the last two crazy weeks), begins again. Crinkle Is Crayz is due for release, long overdue if you ask me. I remember in January I thought I was a month from finishing it, then real life happened.

Though most songs are done, and some just need vocals re-recording, there’s a large 18 minute monster on the end which neeeeeeeeds to be finished. A symphonic opus and quite a dark track, but one who’s ending always fulfils promise.

After Saturday then? What happens next? Only time will tell, but I am greatly looking forward to writing on a blank canvas!

1st May – Sense and Time

Bring me the weekend. The weekend is the end. The weekend is the end my friend. Once again, a year is reaching its end. In a few days, year two will be in my past.

It is scary to think about how violently fast this year seems to have gone. The world is speeding up, or at least that’s how it seems. Back when I was a youngster, days seemed to last for ages. Maybe as I grew up, I lost my appreciation of time. Indeed, my sense of it. I don’t think I’ll ever get it back either.

My emotional habitat this year has been a bit strange; last years was strange too, but in a good way. As a cliché, it’s just a product of my environment, if I’m in a good place I’ll be happy, if I’m with good people I’ll be happy. But this year has been a more sobering journey, and next year I have the birthday of all birthdays coming up, my quarter century.

So I’m not pleased with what I’ve done and how I’ve felt at sometimes this year, sometimes. At other times I’ve felt great, mostly not good though. However I’m taking steps over this summer to get what seems like wishful thinking to become something tangible. The reasons, some of you may know, but I won’t write them here. We’re talking deeply personal stuff now, stuff that needs to be fixed. I’d sound narcissistic by mentioning it too.

As a final thought I’d like to reach out to people and say; stop thinking about stuff and start doing it. There are a couple of people out there I know that try and find meaning behind everything. What a waste of time! I’m not saying the pursuit of knowledge isn’t honourable or valuable, but some things can’t be understood, not fully. Like time for instance, we know it goes one way while we want it to go the other, it speeds up when things are good. Does it even exist?

These are questions without answers. No one can tell you if time is real or what it actually is. Generally I don’t analyse at all, which is why I’m such a shit character at times. When the conversation goes in a personal or delicate level, I tend to either mess it up, or not understand. I do analyse sometimes, but don’t see the point in thinking about everything. Like Slarty Bartfast, the character from Douglas Adams masterpiece…

SLARTIBARTFAST

I don't know, perhaps I'm old and tired,

but I always think that the chances of

finding out what's really going on are so

absurdly remote that the only thing to do

is say hang the sense of it and keep

yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy

than right any day.

ARTHUR

And are you?

SLARTIBARTFAST

No. That's where it all falls down of

course.

See you next year freinds, for what is sure to be an interesting and eventful new year.