25th October

Suddenly the tunnel started rumbling, it had been a mistake to come here. Something fell from above, a piece of masonry. Cut deep into my hand. The blood started coming out, not slow and retarded, but fast, and fluid. I couldn’t stop the blood, squirting like three half dead water pistols. My hand goes numb, my arm, my chest.

I'm in a prison camp; everyone sleeps in stables, smelling horrible. The guards beat us viciously, the women are raped, and people keep disappearing. We hear gunfire. They don’t feed us. Some die, others go mad. We must escape. So we hatch a plan to. A friend organises most of it, him and his friend are capable of breaching the large locked doors, he tells us. Then we can run into the forest, where freedom may be. We go, they break the doors down and about ten of us run for it. Half a minute later and there is shouting. Gun fire, the men in front start to fall. I turn and see my friend, the one who organised the escape standing, just inside the camp, yelling that we are escaping to the guards. Repulsion arrives just before the bullet.

Dreams of the night, bad ones I suppose, but sometimes reality seems bad. However dreams are far from literal, and I understand the first one to be my feelings about who I am now. The second ones meaning is somewhat vaguer. I seem the theme of oppression and despair, and also of betrayal. I know the context, but not the frame of it. Maybe the answer will reveal itself in time.

People also seem at this time of year to be quite poor, and therefore downhearted, staying in because they “have no money”. As poor as you are my friends, there will always be a poorer person. Besides, there is lots that you can do with no money at all! Go for a walk or bike ride. Or go and see a sports match between Universities. Most matches are free, except the big ones near the end of the year. Or go and listen to some acoustic music, (like me and Ashly did at SUMO, before the bands). I did all that yesterday and none of it, besides the beers I bought at sumo, cost a thing! Surely its better than a night in front of the TV, or PC. Unless obviously you’re with a loved one!